My beloved

I used to dream of her when I was a boy – my beloved. She would meet me in the forest and in the meadow. We would dance, swirling each other round and round in pure joy.

With her I felt what my deepest heart always longed for: being seen, known, and loved.

Recently I died. A priestess of Egyptian mysteries led me skillfully through the five gates of Death. At the last gate of Ma’at, Death’s liquid fingers reached out to take me. Starting from my fingers and toes, she overtook my body with the slow creep of molten metal. I wanted her to consume me, to consume this body of shame. I wanted to feel her melt me from the outer extremities all the way to my center, but even in death, I could not feel at my core.

At last, I broke through the final gate, and who greeted me there?

My beloved.

She reached out her hand and said, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

I said to her, “And I’ve been looking for you all my life.”

She took me by the hand and led me into a mountain meadow…where we danced.

Not long after, I realized that my beloved was none other than…


My self.

My body.

My vulnerability. My tenderness. My sexuality. My intimacy. My innocence.

She’s been waiting for me, just as I’ve been looking for her.

We’ve found each other at last.

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